This week features our monthly installment of the shared wisdom of Kevin Flood for the healing journey. I hope you find his sharing insightful and helpful on your journey from survival to thriving. You can find more of Kevin’s Journey in the blog archives. If you have a topic or question you would like Kevin or me to address, please leave your suggestions in the comment section. Mike


In our last blog we talked about the value of having a positive attitude towards our recovery work.   We know it is not an easy way of thinking at first.  For those of us who have struggled and reached a positive way of recovery thinking,  it is worth every bit of effort we made.     Developing a positive attitude can take time before you begin to see how a positive life can be so different.  Different from the way many of us look at ourselves, which can be very negative.   Depending on our experience we may have difficulty trusting ourselves and others.  We may have a powerful sense of shame that keeps us from initiating actions on our own behalf because we are sure others would turn us down.  We may struggle with our sexuality and gender issues and have difficulty setting boundaries.  There may be ten or twenty other issues each of us face that hold us down and make progress difficult.    But today, we are going to remember that positive recovery is a day-at-a-time effort and not overwhelm ourselves with all the tomorrows yet to come.

It is hard to settle into a steady day-by-day abuse recovery program without  help from others.  When our “todays” are filled with just ourselves we put a burden on ourselves that can become a very heavy weight, a true obstacle to recovery.  As strong and courageous as we may feel by ourselves, we cannot nourish ourselves with the positive spirit, resolve and truth we need to emerge into our own positive recovery.   Emerging into a planful life minimally burdened from the past is a worthy and sturdy goal.   MenHealing is one of the programs that you can use to begin a journey or advance and already established effort.


I’ll do it tomorrow, I’ll do it later, let me think about it , I don’t have time for that now,  are a few of the phrases I used when I didn’t want to deal with a problem or issue facing me at the moment.   I spent many years avoiding my issues, much of it hidden in my abuse memories.  When the memories came pouring out, I really wanted to be in denial and avoid my truths, of which there were many.    For a long time, each of my “today’s” began and ended in denial that prevented me from grasping the truth of how the realization of my abuse was hurting my life, my job and my relationships.   The tomorrows in my life didn’t fix anything, they were just handy excuses and delays.   It took some time before I realized that ”today” was when I needed to deal with my issues.  It was a big step and it took courage I didn’t know I had.   I was never good at paying daily attention to my issues.   Being in the moment every day regarding my abuse work didn’t always work but I certainly learned that “today” was what mattered if I was going to make progress.   It was where I learned all about “progress not perfection” and how that concept saved my recovery.

Regardless of where we are on our journey of positive recovery, today we can begin to make smarter choices the more we understand our issues.    We can begin to imagine making good-better-best choices as we try and set goals, be they tiny or not-so-tiny, that move us forward under our own steam. 

Every new today brings a new opportunity to make different choices.  

We can begin today with efforts to do something different.  “Today I will try not to be so negative about  everything or today I will listen better to others at work or home or today I will try to identify how I make foolish choices.   Every new today brings a new opportunity to make different choices.   We have the option to explore making good-better-best decisions, choices,  for today.   Thinking in this positive way can make for a step toward recovery that you can manage whether it is simple or hard.    Abuse victims often blame themselves for why the abuse happened and frequently start blaming themselves for other situations they have no control over, but feel responsible for.   Today, you are not blaming yourself for anything from the past!

If you are short of goals perhaps a goal can be to make an effort to improve whatever is most bothering you today.   One strong recommendation I’d make to you is to wake up with one recovery goal today and understand the meaning of your goal.    One suggestion is to begin defining the values you want to live by.  What is the focus of your recovery?  We’ll talk about the goals of recovery next time.


Written by Kevin Flood

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Be well. Stay safe. Take good care. Remember you are not alone.


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